Cancer is rough. Cancer is devastating. Cancer is malignant. Cancer is a bad guest at dinner parties.
Cancer, also, brings absolutely nothing to the table.
Oh no, you say? It does a lot, right? It metastasizes and ruins vital organs. It robs people of their loved ones. All true. But consider this:
A new study suggests that those who eat grapefruit may face a higher risk of cancer, especially women. In other words, there's a decent shot that grapefruit causes cancer.
We already know that cigarettes cause cancer, certain diseases like human papillomavirus cause cancer, chemicals of all kinds cause cancer...even the sun, from 93 million miles away, causes cancer.
But what does cancer cause? Did you ever consider that?
For cancer, it's a one-way street. Take. Take. Take. Grapefruits, plastic bottles, heredity, Care Bears, clouds, the air - all contribute to cancer, it seems. And cancer just sits there and laps it up.
When are we going to demand that cancer give something back for a change?
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Thanks, everybody, for coming out here tonight... Anyone who knows me can attest that I am lousy at telling jokes. I'm also not good at writing them either. The project here is to explore my Last Comic status, and maybe get some pointers along the way. Do I have something good here? How could it be better? Let me know!
My goal is to show how, through the magic of the Internet and a little constructive criticism, a down-n-out perennial bomber can achieve his one goal in life - to become a staff writer for Saturday Night Live.
1 comment:
Don't the cancer-causing agents realize that they're working for a tyrannical disease? Cancer justs sits back and lets the agents do all the work, getting fat and malignant, without so much as a thank you. Total BS.
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