I Am In Love

I woke up this morning with an immense warmth, then I realized...I am in love with my friend's girlfriend. I apologize, I know that might sound wrong. What I mean to say is that I love her...as the girlfriend of a friend.

It started out as a crush, when I was first introduced to her. We were at a ballgame, something that is usually "just the guys." But when I went up for my fourth beer in three innings, she didn't flash me a demonic death stare...and my heart fluttered.

At the end of the game, when my team...our team...let in the winning run on an error...I let out a fantastic f-bomb. My friend's girlfriend was right there - and she didn't even scowl. In fact, she piped in with her own "Son of a bitch!"

She had me signed, sealed and delivered on that sunny afternoon.

In truth, I don't see her a whole lot. Mostly she lets her boy hang out with his friends unaccompanied. I wish she hung out with us more.

Like on Valentine's Day - she thinks the whole Valentine's Day thing is an insincere marketing scam - when my friend and I were sinking deeper and deeper into a morass of pure drunkenness, the only thing I could think of (before I blacked out) was how much more fun it would be if his girlfriend was there. We would play Buck Hunter between shots of Sambuca and then make fun of all the short guys with tall, leggy hookers. Then, with my friend passed out in a corner, we'd sneak out, the two of us, to that all-night pizza place and destroy about five slices each. Mushroom and sausage...mmmmm...

I mean, I'm not saying she's a beast. She's actually the hottest girl my friend has ever had. And that has nothing to do with my affections for her. It's just that as a friend, you want your friend to have a hot girlfriend.

But she's also very supportive. Like with my friend's snap decisions. One night, the three of us were hanging out in Times Square. Me and my friend got the idea that we wanted to play Guitar Hero, but our other friend who has it was staying in with his girlfriend. So my friend plunked down his credit card and purchased the game and a Playstation 3 on the spot, and his girlfriend didn't even flinch. The thing is, he makes decent money, and it wasn't like he blew two grand on the blackjack table. (That actually came two weeks later in Atlantic City, and she was a little peeved at that.)

I love how she doesn't weigh down conversations with celebrity tedium and how she insisted on seeing Die Hard 4 on opening night. She automatically looks good without "checking her hair" every five minutes, and she has the bladder of an ox. And you should see her eyes widen at the copious possibilities of the McDonald's Dollar Menu. She's adorable. It's like from the minute of conception she was raised to be the girlfriend of one of my closest friends.

I love her about as much as a man can love his friend's girlfriend. And until I met Her, I didn't know how boundless that love could be.