Calculating a Prognosis

Maybe all you guys know this, but I just found out. Are you ready?

The pregnancy doctors - the OMG-whatevers - they ask the expectant mothers when they think the baby was conceived.

Then they add nine months and that's how they get the due date.

I mean...

I thought there was some sort of intensive medical examination involved. Checking the relative swelling and positioning of the doohickeys and doodads down there. Maybe shine that little flashlight in the ear canal. Blood pressure. Blood pressure is important in any prognosis.

But no, it pretty much all hinges on if the woman remembers when she had sex. Or, if there were multiple times, when she thinks the torpedo sunk the submarine.

Some women don't even know who the father is. So how is it that this high-stakes profession relies so heavily on the speculation of these promiscuous, hormonal morning-pukers?

No wonder it's so rare that the baby arrives exactly on time. A couple days late...a few weeks early... They break everything into thirds and call them "trimesters."

The pregnancy doctors know they're screwed to begin with, so they ask the lady to just pick a date. Because it's pointless. And eventually she'll come back, a lot bigger. He'll stick her with a few things, and then he'll squat down and catch whatever comes out.

Or he'll send her back home.

You see? Is this medicine or witchcraft??